Magic Moment

Miss V was born with a phobia of phones. She got it from me and from an experience we shared when she was in my tummy.
On the night Daddy Kewl was killed, he rang me on his way home from work. He was hit by the drink driver while we were talking.
As much as I am thankful that in a way I was with him when he died, we never got to finish our conversation or say goodbye and that unfinished phone call was stuck on replay for a long time.
So, it is no wonder really that Miss V and I do not like phones!

Mostly I am okay with phones now, but Miss V is still not keen on them. In an attempt to make phones fun for her, I took the girls on a mission a few months ago. We went to the discount shop and I set down the challenge: Find as many phones as you can!

Together we scoured the store in search of our communication treasures - and we scored well! We left with a bag full of 14 new (toy) phones! When we got home we played lots of games with them. I practised juggling them, Miss J had fun throwing them into a bucket from a couple of meters away, Miss F did magic tricks with them (making them disappear by hiding them in different hand bags!) and Miss V used them to play fetch with the dogs.

Having achieved a good level of phone fun, the next step was to practise talking on them. Miss J or Miss F would make fabulous phone ringing sounds and I would answer the call and pass on messages to them. "That was your god mother. She says hello, and she is making snot pie for dinner!"

Miss J and Miss F caught onto this very quickly and became great role models. They started answering phones themselves and passing messages on to me. "That was Whip. He says hello and your shoes are smelly!"

Then there was the "Hello Song". Miss V's unicorn sings this song... Imagine the most annoying, catchy, lame tune you have ever heard. Multiply the annoying factor by 2. Now add these lyrics... "Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, how are you? Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, how are you? Thank you, thank you I am fine and I hope that you are too. Do do do do do."
To infinity.

It drives me bonkers, but Miss V loves it. So we sang it - Every time the phone rang.

For all of our phone antics, Miss V still does not want to speak to people on real phones (and that's OK. I'm sure she will warm to them when she is ready). She is starting to get used to speaking on toy phones though. After watching her sisters and I talking and laughing and passing on hello's she is now quite comfortable chatting on them herself, and although the phone may not be plugged in, she certainly has connections.

One day this week I heard Miss V talking on her phone. I didn't catch much of her conversation, but when I walked into her room she had a message for me.
She put down the phone, looked directly into my eyes and said,

"That was dad. He says goodbye."

Eau De Vomit

It's my new scent.
  • 1 part Miss V
  • 1 part Miss J
  • 1 part Miss F
  • 3 parts gastro
Hoping to tip the last bucket full down the drain very soon.
Until then, we will be keeping our distance!

Never Ending Protection of Children Meme!

I knee knocked in front of the local child welfare office, my dry mouth wanted to scream obscenities at me and tell me to mind my business. The small child in my arms was doing enough screaming for both of us, arching his back, kicking his legs and waving his arms about furiously.

Here are the rules for this fantastic Protection of Children Virus, started by Megan from Imaginif

To continue this meme and add the next sentence in this child protection story, I tag Jeanie.


I have discovered the wonders of Google Analytics.
In particular, the "keyword" searches.
Oh yes. It is wondrous... Some of them really, really have me wondering...

My favourites thus far:

"No one helped me when I fractured my foot"... Sorry love - I would have helped you.

"Eating pimples" and "Eating pus" ... Miss F had serious attacks of the giggles when these ones popped up. (Remember the shopping queue?)

"Can you put a hot water bottle in the microwave" ... I don't know, so chances are you won't find your answer here.

"Love making with a hot water bottle"... Oh dear. Oh. Dear.

In all seriousness though, there was one search term that I am very excited about finding on the list. On the TOP of the list, no less.

The number 1 keyword search, clocking in at a massive (for me, anyway!) 52 visitors in just a few weeks and with an average time on site of 33 minutes:

"No Go Tell for kids"

HOORAY!! You, my searching friends, are very, VERY kewl!!!!!!!

Thank you for making time for child protection! All 52 of you have filled me with a renewed sense of hope for a safer world for our kids.

Megan from Imaginif
is another seriously kewl chick and her blog is ALL about child protection.
When I first joined the blogging world and found Imaginif I felt immediately at home, even if I didn't quite understand Megan's passion for blogging to bring about social change.

Well, today I get it. And I like it!

To the searches who stumbled across this blog by accident - whether you have fractured bones, or you eat pus, or you have a very close relationship with your hot water bottle - Welcome! The more the merrier!

But be warned - You will not get away with trying anything dodgy around here! Us 'No Go Tellers' are a force to be reckoned with, and we outnumber you, 52:1.

Potato or Vagina?

A few days ago, Miss J, Miss F and I learnt about syllables. It wasn't a planned lesson, but when the word came up in conversation and they asked about it, it was a perfect teachable moment.

I explained the concept, then we "clapped out" their names and once they had a good understanding we moved onto fitting different words into songs.

We started with seven po-ta-toes (more!), then in our garden we grew seven tom-a-toes, seven pine-ap-ples, seven ba-na-nas, seven cu-cum-bers and seven dal-mat-ians (Whip the dalmatian was standing in the veggie patch).

Later, while all 3 kewl girls were playing with their babies, Miss J helped Miss V to count them. Upon discovering there were four babies, plus themselves makes seven, Miss J and Miss F came up with another version of the Potato Song...

"One vagina, two vagina, three vagina, four. Five vagina, six vagina, seven vagina, more!"

They spent all weekend singing it at the tops of their lungs - Including through the main street in town. Yesterday I heard no more vaginas and assumed they were past this particular craze.
I thought wrong.

Today at the park Miss V was playing with another young boy on the see-saw. He started singing, "Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, horsey..." and Miss V joined in. When they were giddy enough, the boy asked if she knew the Potato Song and he sang, "One potato, two potato, three potato, four. Five potato, six potato, seven potato, more!" Adding in the accompanying hand gestures.

Miss V replied, "It's not po-ta-to! it's va-gi-na!"
Then she sang, "One vagina, two vagina, three vagina, four. Five vagina, six vagina, seven vagina, more!" Complete with Auslan signs and a Pip! and RAY! at the end.

I don't think the boy was quite ready for a dose of Miss V's girl power...
He ran away screaming.

Miss V - kewl girl that she is - just looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and said, "No more vaginas for him then."

Oh yeah! That's my girl!


Below is a lecture given by Dr. Randy Pausch when he appeared on Oprah.
The full version can also be viewed on YouTube and it is a little over an hour long.
This version is just 10 minutes, though really, it can last a lifetime.

I wrote a whole lot of introspective ramblings here, clicked publish, then changed my mind.

Suffice to say, for the next few weeks I will be attempting to answer a question that has been burning ever since I saw this lecture.

If M had know he was going to die, what would he have said in his 'last lecture'?

Miss F's new song

At least I know where she got it from this time!

After having had the radio on in the car this week (because the CD player is broken!), Miss F has a new favourite tune. I have to admit - it rather suits her and her timing is perfect.

As you may or may not know, Miss F is a fashion diva. She has a love for hair, make up and accessories, but her first passion is clothes. It takes her twice as long as the rest of us to get dressed in the morning and her fashion flair is far too fabulous to be limited to just one outfit per day. Oh no. Miss F changes her clothes at least four times a day - usually every couple of hours.

This week, each time Miss F has changed her outfit she has gone into her room, selected her new dress, picked matching shoes, adjusted her hair clips and lip gloss accordingly, then proceeded to the mirror for a final inspection.

This is where her new favourite song comes in. Or, more specifically, her favourite line...

After making any necessary adjustments, Miss F looks adoringly at her reflection and belts out this line from Gabriella Cilmi's new song, 'Don't want to go to bed now'...

"You look good, you look good, you're good looking, yeah!"

"You look good, you look good, you're good looking, yeah!"

And again...
"You look good, you look good, you're good looking, yeah!"

And again!
"You look good, you look good, you're good looking, yeah!"

I thought it was very cute... Until she launched into another line from the chorus at bedtime tonight:

"I don't want to go to bed now, bed now, not now, not now, NOT!"

"I don't want to go to bed now, bed now, not now, not now, NOT!"

And again...
"I don't want to go to bed now, bed now, not now, not now, NOT!"

And again!
"I don't want to go to bed now, bed now, not now, not now, NOT!"

Okay Miss F, ha ha, very cute.

One liners

Recently the kewl girls have come out with a few one liners that really have me wondering - Where do they get these things from?!

First, Miss J accidentally stepped on Miss V's soft toy. Miss V looked at her angrily and shouted, "You dirty rat!"

Next it was Miss J's turn...
Miss J likes to tease the dogs with her food. She does it frequently, and she is frequently left without her food, because three dogs are faster than one child.

Yesterday she held her biscuit out for Beezie.
Then she took it back again.
Then she held it out again.
Then she took it back again.
Then she held it out again.
Then she took it back again.
Then she held it out again.

Then Whip took it.
And he ate it.
And Miss J cried.

And through her tears she yelled, "You just wait, Whip! I'll get you! When you least expect it, I'll get yooouuuu!!!"

Points for her outstanding melodramatic delivery, but sheesh! She's 3 years old!

Then today... Today we had the one liner to end all one liners.

After breakfast I cleared the table and left the dishes in the sink for later. When Miss F walked past the kitchen she pointed to them and said, in her most patronising little voice, "They won't wash themselves, you know."

Then she put her hand on her hip, wagged her finger at me and added,

"A good wife knows her way around the kitchen, mum."

Where, where would she learn something like that?!?!?!?!?!?!
I mean - we don't have a television, the girls are home schooled, I am precious about the environments they are exposed to, for the most part our friends share the same "kid friendly" values and I certainly wouldn't say something that disgusting!!

You are super kewl and intelligent people - I know you are, I read your blogs - Can someone please tell me where they get these things from and how to make it stop?!

Three year old sympathy

Miss F: "Look mum! Now my foot is like yours!"

Er.. Anyone know how to gently remove nail polish from feet?

(P.S. Sorry about the crappy photo - It's from the camera phone!)

Keep smiling

Apologies for our absence. We went to the beach to clear the cobwebs and be in our own space for a while.

There are a few things I could post about now - the YES challenge, the story of the broken camera, Miss V's renewed wish for a penis - but you know what? I'd just like to smile for a bit longer...


This week I have been missing Daddy Kewl a lot. No particular reason, just because he is not here.

Yesterday the girls' god parents came over and we went and had a picnic lunch under M's tree. Usually, visiting this magical place helps me feel closer to M because deep down, I know he is still here with us. Yesterday though, instead of loosening the bands of grief around my chest our picnic lunch had the opposite effect. The tree served only as a reminder that M is gone and all I felt was the ache for his physical presence.
For the first time in a long time, I was relieved when it was time to pack up and head back to the house.

Later in the afternoon, I set the girls up with some crafty stuff while I sat on the couch and tried to work out how I was going to climb back out of my misery hole - or at least stop digging it.

OK. Think positive. What am I grateful for? What brings me joy?

To be honest, I wasn't getting very far. I could name plenty of positives, plenty of things to be grateful for and plenty of things that bring me joy, but the feeling just wasn't there.
My head and my heart were not cooperating.

Right on cue, Miss J left the craft table and came to see me. She was holding something behind her back and she told me it was a surprise, so I had to close my eyes. I obeyed and Miss J reached out and gently stuck something to my chest.

When I opened my eyes, Miss J said,

"See? It's to make your heart happy."

Then she went back to her craft with a big smile on her face.

It was almost as big as mine.

More smiles and magic moments over at Mountaingirls Musings.