Freak Fest - Week 5 - and feeling like the mother of all freaks

This week, I thought I would share with you some of the things I've found myself screaming saying during Freak Fest thus far...

"Please do not eat any more worms before lunch."

"No guinea pigs on the dinner table!"

"OK - Who's been swallowing my good kitchen knives?"

"How did Uncle Freak's false teeth end up around that brush turkey's neck?"

"Who left their unicycle on the roof again?"

"No, I do not know where you can buy 50 bottles of dish washing liquid and 2 dozen boxes of condoms."

"And even if I did know - I wouldn't tell you."

"Please get down from the tree - The neighbours do not want to see your full moon."

"Darling, the dam is not a good place for my keys."

"Oh no.. Please don't walk wet paint through the house again."

"No you cannot move into the cubby house. And no, I do not plan to install satellite TV there any time soon."

"Accidentally stepping on the smouldering camp fire in the middle of the night because you're disoriented and trying to find your way to the toilet - Is NOT the same as completing.. 'the sickest fire walk ever, man!' .. But nice try."

"For the last time - The washing line is not a tightrope!"

"Please.. If you're going to cartwheel down the main street in town, trade your skirt for some pants... Or at least, put on some underwear."

Oh - And not a single sentence was directed to my children...
Or indeed, anyone under 25.


The kewl girls and I went to a Special Education School today. I had to drop in to pick up some equipment I left behind last time and the girls wanted to come too. We got there just before lunch and even though I did what I needed to do in 5 minutes, the kewl girls stayed and played happily with their friends all the way through lunch break and into the next lesson!

As we were leaving we bumped into Mrs. E, a teacher and ex colleague from the State School next door. We exchanged how are yous and then she turned her attention to the kewl girls.
Even though Mrs. E was the certified 'teacher' in the group, I think the kewl girls did most of the teaching in their conversation today...

Mrs. E: "Aren't you lucky girls, going to work with mum?"
Miss J: "We didn't go to work. We went to school."
Mrs. E: "Of course you did! Silly me! Do you like going to school with mum?"
Miss F: "Yes, it's fun."
Mrs. E: "How lovely. And do you play with the little disabled kiddies?"
Miss F: "No."
Mrs. E: "No?! Don't you play with any disabled children at special school?"
Miss J: "No."
Miss V: "No."
Mrs. E: "Well what do you do then?"

Miss V: "We play with our friends."

Miss F: "Yeah.. We play with our friends."

Of course. Silly Mrs. E.

Freak Fest - Lessons from Week 3 and Week 4

Week 3...

When a little girl tells her new favourite uncle that her favourite colour is pink and her favourite animal is her white pony - Do not be surprised if you wake up the next morning to find said white pony has turned a brilliant shade of magenta.
Also, do not be surprised if there are no beetroots left within a 10km radius.

If someone tells you to "lighten up", do not reply "make me". Unless you want to be woken at 3am by 4 spotlights shining into your tent.

Circus freaks do not make good show and tell guests. Especially when you're a teacher, not a student, and the freaks rock up to class wearing t-shirts that read, "I was born smart, but education ruined me."

Week 4...

If, whilst you are grocery shopping in town, you see 6 freaks flash past on a ride on mower that looks an awful lot like your own - It probably is.
It is also probably best to walk very quickly in the opposite direction.

When your children call to you, "Mum! Quick! Freaky Uncle has four fingers stuck up his nose!"... They are probably not lying.
Especially if Freaky Uncle was last seen with the super glue.

A freak attempting to contort herself into a kitchen cupboard because another freak says "I bet you can't fit in there any more".... Is probably not going to end well.
But it will probably be very entertaining.


We are home. We are adjusting. We are celebrating the joyous moments and allowing time for the crappy moments to pass.

I am under close observation by Miss J after getting into trouble for not taking small enough bites of my apple... "Baby can't swallow big bits mum! You'll choke him!"
Miss F has taken it upon herself to educate the world as to how babies are born. I just know the doctor was thrilled to learn that... "Baby is going to come out of mum's vagina, you know."
Miss V is refusing to eat watermelon after one of the freaks convinced her that Baby is actually a watermelon growing in my tummy - because I swallowed a pip and drank lots of water to make it grow.

Most importantly...

Thank you for the supportive comments and good vibes.
They are better than chocolate!


For the first time since I started blogging, I am sitting in front of the computer, wanting to write this post and struggling to find the words.

Maybe it is because the moments I am recalling are not all love light and bliss ones.
Maybe it is because I have cried for almost 48 hours straight and my brain is being squashed by my swollen face.
Maybe it is because I feel like I have left it too long, and now I'm not sure where to start.
Maybe it is because this blog is a place where I can control how much I show of myself - or more to the point, what I show of myself - and writing this post is a little outside of my comfort zone.
Maybe I am still in hiding, and I am struggling because writing this post makes it real.

Or maybe I am just talking shit in an attempt to avoid saying what I need to say.

I am very good at procrastinating.

OK, how about a timeline? I can do a timeline.
Here goes...

24 weeks ago -
My two dearest friends in the universe (M&M) made a baby embryo.

24 weeks ago -
Their baby embryo was transferred to my uterus.
I became pregnant with their child.

20 weeks ago -
We announced our pregnancy to close friends and family.

18 weeks ago -
We started a Baby Blog.

12 weeks ago -
We announced our pregnancy to the wider community.

8 weeks ago -
An ultrasound showed us Baby has a penis.

2 weeks ago -
Another ultrasound showed there was too much amniotic fluid in Baby's water bed.

2 weeks ago -
Baby was diagnosed with atypical Esophageal Atresia (this means his esophagus hasn't formed properly) and he also has a cyst in his throat.
These things are stopping him from swallowing amniotic fluid effectively.

1 week ago -
Amniocentesis results came back.
Baby has a genetic disorder called Cri-du-Chat syndrome.

This syndrome will change Baby's life.
It will change a lot of things.

What it will never, ever change, is how much Baby is loved.

So there it is. The time line.
Now we are going to take some time out to adjust to this change.
For the second time in as many months, we are going away to the beach.
See you all when we return.

Freak Fest - Lessons from Week 2

  • Thirty something year old freaks are not above planting buckets of water on top of door frames.
  • I am not above retaliation.

"Have a nice trip?"

"See you next fall!"