One liners

Recently the kewl girls have come out with a few one liners that really have me wondering - Where do they get these things from?!

First, Miss J accidentally stepped on Miss V's soft toy. Miss V looked at her angrily and shouted, "You dirty rat!"

Next it was Miss J's turn...
Miss J likes to tease the dogs with her food. She does it frequently, and she is frequently left without her food, because three dogs are faster than one child.

Yesterday she held her biscuit out for Beezie.
Then she took it back again.
Then she held it out again.
Then she took it back again.
Then she held it out again.
Then she took it back again.
Then she held it out again.

Then Whip took it.
And he ate it.
And Miss J cried.

And through her tears she yelled, "You just wait, Whip! I'll get you! When you least expect it, I'll get yooouuuu!!!"

Points for her outstanding melodramatic delivery, but sheesh! She's 3 years old!

Then today... Today we had the one liner to end all one liners.

After breakfast I cleared the table and left the dishes in the sink for later. When Miss F walked past the kitchen she pointed to them and said, in her most patronising little voice, "They won't wash themselves, you know."

Then she put her hand on her hip, wagged her finger at me and added,

"A good wife knows her way around the kitchen, mum."

Where, where would she learn something like that?!?!?!?!?!?!
I mean - we don't have a television, the girls are home schooled, I am precious about the environments they are exposed to, for the most part our friends share the same "kid friendly" values and I certainly wouldn't say something that disgusting!!

You are super kewl and intelligent people - I know you are, I read your blogs - Can someone please tell me where they get these things from and how to make it stop?!


jeanie said...

Hmm - someone has been reading other blogs, no doubt - like the one I happened on this morning who said she wasn't super efficient, but couldn't stand people who didn't vacuum every day. Eek.

How to make them stop - not sure on that one. You read my blog, you know I have not really got a clue.

But you have three very funny kids - and I can't wait until the dog starts teasing the 3 year old with his food.

Stephanie said...

Ha ha ha ha HAAA! Sorry... can't help you! Ha, ha, ha!

M+B said...

Hahaha... If its any consolation Boo comes out with some classic one liners too. Where they come from, I have no idea??? She sometimes tells me Tony told her to say it.

Tony is her 'imaginary' friend!!! Maybe he's just not so imaginary...

Debby said...

They pick up the most amazing things from listening to scraps of other people's conversations. How to make it stop? You think you can make it stop? That, my dear, may be the funniest one liner of them all....

Anonymous said...

SNORT! You are snookered, girlie, and that's all there is too it!

Megan who is a bad wife said...

Well...if you were any sort of a mother, you would control your swear it is the collective conscious that descends upon our children and brainwashes them with every stereotypical and sexist comment possible.

Just celebrate that your kids are more like your grandparents than you are. Once you accept it, embrace it and expect it, the kids change because they aim to ruffle your motherly feathers.

Those girls are going to die in my kitchen - I never wash up because it is Paul's job. In fact, I don't do housework either (that's Paul's job too). Just recently I had need to mop. I had to go to Paul and ask him where that floor cleaning stuff was kept and what colour it was. Was the joke of the year around his office!!!!!!

And....I hope you pointed out that you are a widow, not a wife, so therefore you have no idea of the way around the kitchen.

Novemeber is coming. I cannot wait. Mxxxxxxx

katef - said...

he he he .... I have no idea where she learnt that from... my girls always seem to repeat all the less than stellar things I say on one off occasions... but I can't imagine even me ever saying that!!??!!

Anonymous said...

Geez woman! Don't you know anything?
I can tell you how to get around the kitchen.. Go round the counter, out the back door and straight to you nearest take away joint. Viola! Dinner is served.
Love you, my lovelies xoxo

Pencil Writer said...

(Laughing, and chuckling) My, oh my! It's amazing, I have to agree. My theory is they come here knowing things we don't! But I know what you mean. My 2 year-old grandson was in the garage "helping" his Dad with some project or the other a few months ago. This young man is ALL about working and helping, very serious. When his father was done with his project, he told his son, "Come on, we need to go in the house now. Supper's ready." The reply, apparently without skipping a beat, grandson says (and remember he's only two--but has been talking like an adult almost from his first words)..."Okay. But I have to put my equipment away first." His Dad cracked up and asked my daughter,the Mom, in astonishment, "Where did he come up with equipment?" We all knew he loved his tools (got a set of kiddie tools for his #2 birthday, with which he was thrilled). Kids are far more gifted, astute, amazing than ever before! I'm convinced. My hustand's 80 something year old aunt said so when our children were little. And that's been over 20 years ago. It's true.

I simply love the admonishment you received--it was so "on target" with the little mother in her. Is that why it's so irritating, too?

Keep smiling, Alison, and keep 'em in line. I know you can do it! (Oh, how IS the foot healing coming along?)

Alison said...

Jeanie - Now that you mention it, she is rather fond of blogging! We better not go to the vacuuming one though. EEK!

Stephanie - It is pretty funny, isn't it?

M+B - It is very consoling, thank you! The kewl girls have imaginary friends, too.

Debby - The girls' god mother is still laughing at your comment about my one liner.
OK... Point taken!

Rhubarb - Very reassuring. Thanks. Lol!

Megan - Great embracing advice. I will try. They just have such good feather ruffling aim!
LOL @ you asking Paul where the floor cleaning stuff was. M was in charge of all the house cleaning stuff, too. He kept all the detergents in a box above the dryer in the laundry and I didn't find it until months after he died!

Kate - I could understand them repeating one of my less shining linguistic moments, too - But this was just such an absurd comment!!

Sammi - HA! I knew your fried rice was too good to be true! Busted! (Great advice, thanks!)

PW - What a gorgeous comment from your grandson!
The little mother in Miss F is more likely to point out something amiss with my clothes than my cooking! That is not irritating so much as embarrassing!
The foot is doing well, thanks :)