Warrior Wednesday

Dear Zy,

Life has been pretty full on this week. It's been a good kind of full on though, with lots of forward movement and life embracing thoughts and ideas. You and I haven't had an outwardly spectacular Warrior moment, like the heart bubble last week, but lots of little things have let me know you are still around - Because even with all of this week's action swirling around in my head, you have never been far from my thoughts.
It was as I sat down to write this post to you that I realised how comforting this is.

For the first time since you died, I think I am getting a sense of what it is like to love you, to miss you, to think of you and to embrace life's forward movement, all at once.

I don't have many more words for you today - although my new found sense of life with you is quietly comforting, it is still somewhat shaky, and I don't want to confuse it with cold and boring head talk.

Darling Zy, thank you for always being here. I am so glad you are coming on this journey with me.

Love me.


Abbey said...

Not sure if I told you Alison, I had an older brother who died in childbirth in NZ, Mum called him Kenneth (as my younger brother is now called)

I love that you can express stuff for Zy, my mother was never given the opportunity and now Im 40 she still grieves on his day. As a child and an adult, even after my own children, I never understood the attachment.I resented this non-person especially as I loved my own brothers so much

I always thought I wasnt the elder male child they wanted, had and lost, now, with your words, Im begining to understand, just a little, the grief...

I dont mean to take from your words of Zy but am learning to understand my mothers love for Kenneth

Alison said...

I think you have mentioned him before Abz, but not in much detail.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm sorry for you mother's, and your, loss. I'm also sorry that the grief wasn't expressed, except maybe in a way that was confusing and unfair on you.
The grief - it is enormous - but I want the girls to be able to think about Zy and have some good memories, too. Your words have reminded me how important this is.
Thank you. xx