Magic Moment

I love tax time.
I love working with figures... Finding ways to be clever and different within a system.
Talking to my accountant is exciting and our conversations are always interesting and progressive.
Organising receipts and statements and making estimates and adjustments and calculations is such a fun way to spend every evening.
Oh yeah - I love tax time...

Almost as much as I love positive self talk!

In all seriousness... This year is actually a big step forward for me. It is the first year since M died that I am getting involved in my taxes.

As a couple our finances were greatly intertwined. Even though M had his own business and I had my own work, we also had a shared business and our marriage, our children and our choices meant that tax time was very much a family affair - Something I'm sure most couples relate to.
We were both fairly good with numbers, and we really did enjoy working with figures and finding ways to be clever and different within a system. We'd sit together in our own world of calculations, occasionally coming together for a comparison or a congratulations when we were on roll. M - smarty pants that he was - would always remind me to take a "brain break" every couple of hours and then he'd make me laugh by asking, "Is it hard being so smart?".

Since M's death, the thing I have struggled with about tax is that even when a person dies, their records don't. M is no longer here, but his business, our business and the results of our choices are still alive and kicking. Or more to the point, alive and taxing.
For the last 2 financial years I've left everything to the accountant and a financially savvy friend. I preferred to deal only with the idea of doing tax without M, and not the reality.
This year I decided it was time to stop hiding, stop pleading ignorance and take responsibility...
Time to get real.

So this week I've been doing our taxes. I've been talking to our accountant and organising receipts and statements and making estimates and adjustments and calculations.
I've spent hours sitting in the office alone - Half the time working, the other half crying.

Yesterday, after a good hour of tears followed by a good hour of calculating, Miss V came in to see me. She climbed on to my lap and sat for a while, sucking her thumb and stroking the side of my face as I worked.
Then she turned her body to face mine and leant back into my line of vision, telling me it was time to focus on her now.

I put my pen down and kissed her forehead. Miss V sat for a moment, then reached up and tucked a few stray hairs back behind my ears. She looked into my eyes, holding my gaze and melting my heart, then she asked,

"Mummy? Is it hard being so smart?"

To read more Magic Moments or join in with your own, head over to Mountaingirls Musings.


Anonymous said...

Who says she doesn't know her dad?
Love you xx

jeanie said...

Awww - darn it woman, you need a tissue alert! How heart wrenching and yet warming at the same time.

See, the only memory I have of P. and taxes is the fearful avoidance of any mention.

Me & Boo said...

Ahh you certainly do have some magical moments over at your house. Got to agree with Jeanie - you need a tissue alert

debby said...

I'm so glad you are blogging these things. It will be nice for you to have them to look back at when they become teenagers, and you become dumb as rocks.

Alison said...

LOL Shell - Still haven't got the hang of this techno thing, hey?
Yes, typical M and V to be in cahoots!

Jeanie - If I don't get a tissue warning, you don't either! lol.

Lani - We do have some pretty kewl magic moments :) I think everyone has them, just some are less obvious.

Deb - LOL! I already have my dumb as rock moments! Especially when it's 3 against 1.

Pencil Writer said...

Sweet look back and forward. Kiss the little ones for me. (I don't wish to be so forward, actually, but you'll be doing the kissing . . .) They are so precious, as you already know.

katef said...

oh my that is priceless.... and yes Miss V... it is hard being smart....

Anonymous said...

Numbers? NO, give me words. No numbers. They make my head spin. Your post made me cry, again...

Oh - and you are tagged - and awarded!

Trish said...

what a beautiful post ...Miss V is priceless.

I can't imagine how hard it is with some many things you have to deal with alone Alison , things you used to share with M.
I hate taxes -

Paula said...

Wow what a powerful post. Hugs to you from me. I am so glad you have Miss V...and brain cells dont hurt either. You are an inspiration.

Alison said...

PW - Kisses were passed on, thanks muchly :)

Kate - Priceless and taxless too. (Ha.. I must be having a nerd week!)

Rhubarb - They make my head spin sometimes too - but getting dizzy can be fun ;)
Thanks for the award.. My RSS feed thingy has been missing your posts?? Anyway, am heading over to 'see' you now! :)

Trish - Miss V has some pretty good moments.
Like most things, it gets easier. But I do still miss him like crazy. :)

Paula - Thanks! I'm glad I have Miss V too, and I very glad brain cells don't hurt! lol

Anonymous said...

Awe that was a beautiful moment...

ps come do my taxes... :)

Bush Babe (of Granite Glen) said...

Awwwww... that one got me. Truly a chip off the old block!! You are such a gifted writer and you seem to handle things amazingly. Is it therapeutic to document your ups and downs? And do you truly get excited by taxes and maths... coz Baby, I got a job for you!!!

Alison said...

LoL Abbey.. Thanks. And no thanks. :-P

BB - Yep, she truly is a chip off the old block. They both also have the ability to pull on their intense/enlightened/about to say something profound look - only to launch into a conversation about poo.

I find this blog very therapeutic.. Both as I am writing about our moments and almost more so to read back over them.

As for the tax - I have had my fill of numbers this year. Thanks all the same ;)