Last week Bush Babe commented on WW and mentioned that she loved how you are always high in my heart. Her comment made me smile (thanks BB), because usually what is high in my heart isn't all that visible to the outside world, and I loved that someone else noticed.
You may not be here physically, Baby Warrior, but you are still here with me.
I still say good morning to you, every day.
At breakfast, I set the table for five children, and I set a place for you in my heart. A high chair, because you are not yet 1 year old.
When we are taking turns to feed the animals carrots, I hand one to each of the kids in turn, and in my heart I hand you one, too.
Getting into the car to head out on an adventure, I check to make sure everyone is there and ready to go. Miss J, Miss F, Miss V, TJ, R.... Check. Then I check my heart for you, to make sure you're still coming with us.
Shopping for summer clothes for the kids, I look for lots of sizes - the big girls', the small girl, the biggest boy, the small boy - and you. I scan the racks, wondering what size you would be now and picking out the colours I think would suit you.
At the supermarket, the kids all have their hang ups. Miss J and Miss F love the stickers, Miss V loves the dried apricots, TJ has a thing for cereals and R is impossible to get past the strawberries... And I wonder what would take your fancy? As we do our shop I scan the isles for things I imagine you could fall in love with. Last week I thought the dried bananas looked promising, so I bought you a bag to share with your surrogate sibling.
Our evening routine is now a scramble of different bedtimes and books and cuddles and good night kisses. Miss V first, then Miss F and Miss J, then R, then TJ, then you. I tuck your blankets into the corners of my heart, making sure you are warm and safe. I close my eyes and inhale, and I can almost smell the top of your head, where I would kiss you if your body were here.
Darling Zy, at the end of the day, whether anyone else notices or not, there will always, always be a place for you high in my heart.