Even though Daddy Kewl is no longer a physical presence in our lives, he spirit still very much present in our family. We love him, we think about him, we talk to him, we share things with him, we write him letters and burn them in the fire to send them to him, we blow bubbles up to him and Zy... And on occasion, I still make him breakfast.
It's usually something that happens spontaneously - I'll be dishing out the cornflakes and decide in an instant that Daddy Kewl will join us at the table that morning. Sometimes it's something I plan, and the girls all help make a big chocolate cake for breakfast!
It is always something that comes from a place of calm, and never a place of grief. Sometimes it stirs up more questions or thoughts from the girls about Daddy Kewl and how he fits into our family unit now... But making him breakfast is never something that comes from my grief space. It is one family tradition that I want the girls to have joyful memories of.
Probably the best part of Daddy Kewl having breakfast with us, is working out who will eat what from his plate. As Miss V pointed out - dead people cannot eat fruit salad and yoghurt - so she had better have the strawberries!!! There is far too much banana on the plate for someone without a body - so Miss J had better finish that off for him!!! And the watermellon - that would just go right through a dead person!!! Miss F - that must be for you!!!
Strangely enough, of all the times we've shared Daddy Kewl's breakfast - not once have the girls faught over who would share what. Pretty impressive for 3 little people, really.
Recently, two more little people joined our family unit. TJ, who is 7, and Mr R, who is 2. At 7, TJ is pretty understanding of our quirky family unit and especially, of what Daddy Kewl means to the girls. When there is an extra setting at our table, he understands that it is our way of including Daddy Kewl in our lives, and he is very respectful of this. At 2, Mr R sees an extra bowl of food that the girls are eating from, and he wants his fair share! As understandable as this is for a 2yo, the kewl girls were equally as understanably unimpressed. They grew angry and upset at the thought of sharing their dad's breakfast with another child, while Mr R was more than outraged at being denied something the others were having - and so began a rather spectacular breakfast table battle!
Instead of stopping the breakfasts with Daddy Kewl, I started putting two extra bowls on the table (one for Daddy Kewl and one for Mr R), which solved the battle of small children.
This morning, Daddy Kewl had breakfast with us.
This morning, I set an extra bowl of fruit on the table for R, as well.
This morning, when it came time to help Daddy Kewl finish his breakfast, Miss V took a strawberry from his bowl.
She sat with it for a few minutes, thinking.
Then she looked at Mr R and said,
"I think my Daddy wants you to have this one."
And she handed Mr R her strawberry.