The last few months have been kind of tough for this family. Parts of this toughness have resulted in lots of joy and lots of love coming into our lives. Parts have resulted in a little more healing. Other parts have just been tough.
Reading back over the last few months of blog posts, I realised that I've been kind of stuck. Almost every post is about grief or a dead member of our family. Warrior Wednesdays, things to or about Daddy Kewl... And not a whole lot else. Certainly not much evidence of the spectacularly magical moments the Kewl girls are (or should be!) reknowned for.
The last post I wrote was about wanting to go back - not just to the old blog, but to what life was like for us this time last year. When I reread that post now, I don't like where my thoughts were at. I know that time is perpetual motion. It does not stop and you cannot go back, the absolute best you can do is embrace the now and look forward to the future. I know this, but I don't seem to be living by it.
I think the title, "Back to the Future", was an attempt by my subconscious to articulating the fact that more than going back in time, I want to create certain feelings from the past in my future. I want the joy and that sense of family back in the here and now. Today. And living in the past is never going to achieve this.
So, as of today, I'm readjusting my gaze. I've had enough of looking backwards - my neck is sore and I keep tripping over things in the here and now - or worse still - missing the important bits, because I'm not paying enough attention to where I am or where I'm going.
I may not be surrounded by my freak family and I may not be watching Zy grow up - But I AM surrounded by an amazing family of little people, and I have the absolute privileged of watching them grow up.
My family is not stuck back at this time last year, and neither is the love and the joy that I want to fill my life with. Everything I want is right here, right now.
In fact, life is pretty spectacular, really. You just have to know where to look.
I support the Teddy Tour .com
Breaking the silence surrounding childhood sexual assault
Daddy Kewl
Four years gone, but ever present in mind and spirit
For Zy, Our Warrior
The story of a surrogate pregnancy and our Warrior Baby, Zy.
One Second
It only takes one second to save a life. When it's up to you, will you make your second count?
About Me
- Alison
- I'm Alison, and my three most important little people are Miss J, twin sister of Miss F - both 4 going on 14 and big sisters to Miss V - who is an impressive 3 years old and anything but the 'baby' of the family.
No doubt I will find it impossible to stick to one theme for this blog, so here is some background info that will hopefully add some sense the inevitable random posts...
The man of our family, M, is no longer with us in body though he is ever present in mind and spirit.
I used to be active in the performing arts 'scene' - Less so now as my girls take centre stage. Creativity is still a huge part of life, though being directed by three toddlers the art form is somewhat different.
I'm always passionate about dramatic arts and creative expression, especially as a tool for inclusion... Bringing me to my next point of focus - Awareness and acceptance of people with diverse abilities. I work with people of all abilities doing anything from playing drama games, making music, talking, teaching, learning and always having fun.
I guess one theme I CAN stick to is that last point - having fun. Living a joyful life is the greatest success, I feel.
7 comments:
Exactly. I'm glad you've readjusted your gaze. Life, is in fact, beautiful.
You're amazing.
I'm not feeling particularly great right now, as you know. But I know, deep inside, that I am going to be able to appreciate all that I have, and how incredibly rich my life is, soon.
And when i'm a bit more healed, I'm going to come back to this post to read your words again and see how far I've come. Thank you.
(((((hugs))))))
The navel, they say, is the centre of your being. Maybe it's time for you to gaze and centre, ready for a new phase.
I am glad you are feeling more optomistic.
This post made me smile.
hugs
I love you even more in 'looking forward' mode :)
I am a big beleiver in the power of positive thinking and I think it's great that you are able to make a positive change to your outlook. It says a lot about your strength and resolve. You're an amazingly kewl person and Mum. xxoo
Alison you always seem to be able to reflect so honestly on how you are feeling. I sincerely wish for you and your family the very brightest future!
Post a Comment